A Day in the Life...

11:30 PM. The darkness behind my eyes is starting to fade. I hear a grumbling...could be my stomach...could be my diapers. Either way I'm not feeling too happy. Should probably let somebody know how I feel.

Who is this hairy guy picking me up? What's this stuff he's trying to give me? This isn't the good stuff. He's trying to give me Boone's Farm for Babies. Where's the good stuff? Maybe if I cry, he'll give me the good stuff.

WAIT A MINUTE!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! I don't want to go for a walk. I'm hungry!!! This guy is dense. I keep crying and he keeps walking around. I don't want to see the kitchen. I've seen the backyard. Stop the walking!!! Put me down!!! WAIT! What is this other hairy thing coming at me? Stop licking my face!! Pick me up!!!!

Okay good...going back upstairs. Why is he laying me down? I don't want a new diaper!! Stop with the wet wipe...ITS COLD!!! WWWAAAAAHHHHH!! WAAAA.....OOoooh. I feel better in these dry goods; but it won't fill my stomach. I sense a good shriek coming....

Oooh....the life giver has me now. She knows what I want. We're on the same page. Should I give a little wimper to keep her on her toes? Nah...she's getting ready now.

How sweet the elixir of life tastes. I can keep drinking and drinking 'til my stomach bursts. This is pure heaven. This is pure joy. This is pur.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

You put your big toe in...

you take your big toe out. You put your big toe in and you scream and you shout!!!

Yesterday Jenn took Aiden to the pool to try and beat the 102 heat. The moment she put his toe in, he screamed his head off. So she took him out for about 20 minutes and decided to go in again.

New try same result.

If this is how he's going to deal with being in the water, I'm not sure what we're going to do. Being a water-based family, it may not be a pretty sight.

The Mommy Report

Sleep with one eye open...

I'm not sure how it has happened, but Aiden has us all wrapped around his tiny little fingers...

The child wants to be rocked to sleep every day! Not just everyday, but every TIME he falls asleep!!!! Once you lay him down he sleeps with one eye open, and if we leave his sight he's up and crying!

How does he know how to do that?

He has a bouncy chair that vibrates, and sings. We put him in that from time to time so that he will sleep soundly, but it is unfortunately on a timer that automatically shuts off. It does not matter how soundly this child is asleep, once the vibration stops... Crying.

Is it possible that a 5 1/2 week old infant really could be smart enough to do this? Apparently we have a genius on our hands. The cutest little genius you ever did see.

We're in BIG trouble with this little guy.


More later from the Mommy report.

Holding Mommy's hand.

The Mommy Report

A Mother's Rant

Just because I HAVE to go there...

"Pretty soon he'll be awake for longer periods of time, and then he'll sleep for longer stretches."

"Once he puts on some weight, he won't nurse as often and then he'll sleep for longer stretches."

"Around six weeks babies start to sleep for longer stretches."

"If you give him a bath right before bed, he'll sleep more soundly."

"If you take him out to the fresh air before bed, he'll sleep better."

All of these statements have been told to me by other women and mother's. My response...

BOLOGNA!

He is awake most of the day, he's put on the pounds, he's pushing six weeks, I bathe him before bed, & try the fresh air gig... NONE of which has allowed Lael and I more sleep.

Just to give everyone an idea... Aiden was up last night at 11:00, 12:30, 2:30, 3:15; 4:30, and 5:45. He's been up since 5:45am.

Sleep deprivation is a funny thing. It does funny things to you. For me, it can make me grouchy, sometimes just looking at Aiden will make me emotional and cry, it at times makes me easily frustrated. Just ask my husband.

I think women know this and make up ideal situations about when and how babies begin to sleep. Don't get me wrong, I cling to the "ideal situations" trying all of them.

I'll let you know when one of them works.

And another thing...

When did taking a shower become a luxury?

I mean, bathing should be part of everyone's daily routine right?

Wrong.

I may start the shower, even get undressed and Aiden will start crying.

Yesterday, Lael got in the shower while Aiden was asleep in his swing. I was in the loft ironing his clothes when Aiden began to cry. I stayed ironing and listening, knowing that sometimes he will fall back to sleep. A few seconds later, I hear a loud drop (probably the soap) and Lael opening the shower door saying to Aiden, "It's okay buddy." Aiden's crying turned into screaming, BANG! (another drop) and Lael frantically begins talking to him. "Hold on Bubba." I hear from the loft. BANG *#@* another drop. At this point, I could have grabbed him, but I was dying to see how Lael would handle the situation...

Within seconds, Lael is pushing my bedroom door open. A towel half on half off, a robe half on half off, soap suds still on his legs with Aiden in hand. "Something is wrong!", Lael says frantically. "Nothing is wrong." I say, "he's just ticked that you didn't pick him up quick enough." "WHAT?" Lael says in disbelief.

Does he think I'm kidding?

Maybe he has a new perspective on why I'm still in my pajamas when he comes home from work.

More later from the Mommy Report.

Look at me!!!

The Mommy Report

Why Does Motherhood Have to be embarrassing?

Let me tell you a little story... I worked with a very nice girl in VIP at Bellagio named Lorraine, who had an adorable two year old boy. She once told me one of her embarrassing motherhood stories and it went like this...

One day she took her son Auggie with her to the grocery store. As they were shopping down one of the aisles, there was a rather large, hairy man coming from the opposite end of the aisle. This man was not just hairy, we're talking furry everywhere! Arms, shoulders, back legs etc. etc. ect. Lorraine said she was very conscious not to look in the man's direction as he was approaching, as she did not want to stare. (did I mention he was in a Gold's Gym tank? You know the teeny tiny ones?) As she proceeded to get close to the man, Auggie (the adorable two year old) stuck out his finger pointing directly at the man as they passed him in the aisle, shouting "EWW EWW EWW EWW EWW".

Mortified, the poor girl did the only thing she could think of... RUN OUT OF THE AISLE IN SHAME.

Embarrassing right?

Or how about Andy... When he was two years old, I made the grave mistake of taking him with me to the mall. Macy's to be exact. He squirmed out of my grip and took off running. I went to chase him, and lost the little brat. Irritation turned into frantic, psychotic behavior as I lost view of him and could not find him. I turned into one of those moms, you know the ones, screaming "Andrew" at the top of my lungs. As screaming turned into crying, A nice older woman came up to me to ask if my son "Andrew" was a very cute little blonde toddler. "YES!" I said my panic increasing as I prepared to hear he had been kidnapped, and had already left the store!

"Well", she said, "Every time you get close to him he giggles and moves to another rack. Check in the middle of the circles and you'll find him, he was just, (pointing) right there as I approached you."

Needless to say, I said to myself, "Self, if he's alright, he's DEAD!" I found him, a few seconds later, and beat him. (not literally, although I REALLY thought I might.)

Embarrassing!

Now I have a topper! Some man, (I say man because no woman would invent this devilish contraption) invented the breast pump. It's really fun!

Not!

You get to milk yourself for 20 minutes just so your husband can take one of the late night feedings. (The things you'll do when you are sleep deprived) Have you ever seen a cow being milked? Yeah, NOT cute. Now mind you, this contraption is ELECTRIC!!! So last night I'm "pumping/milking" myself when Lael leaves the room for a second and leaves the door open. Just then... MY BROTHER WALKS IN!!!!

He quickly shields his eyes screaming, "Oh my G-d, I'm scarred for life!" HE'S SCARRED? I'm mortified!

EMBARRASSING!!!!!

The moral of this is simple... Motherhood is a series of embarrassing events! I tell you this not to freak anyone out, but to warn the people I care about who have not been as "fortunate" as I have been to have had children.

I wish someone would have warned me!

Ahhh... The things we do for our children.

More later from the Mommy Report.

The Mommy Report

Weighing in at a whopping 8lbs 7oz. is.... The Bubba Berelowitz!!!

That's right! Aiden and I paid a visit to his pediatrician today and he got a clean bill of health. Not only is the angel putting on the pounds, but has grown two inches in two weeks!!!! 21 inches today!!!

The doctor was quite impressed with how strong he is, as he can hold his head up while laying on his belly! The doctor gave him the full once over, and narrowly avoided being peed on! (This is not a rare occurrence at our house, Aiden is quick on the draw!) She did say that his little winky was perfect and that Lael should be a proud pappa. When I told Lael this there were high fives all around. (Can someone tell me why men are so obsessed with this issue?)

Aiden has a small mark on his face that has been there since he was born. It looks like a small mole with no pigmentation. I asked the doctor about that as well, and she said it doesn't stand out as anything to be worried about, but that it also isn't a usual mark. She said we'll call it a birth mark and keep an eye on it.

*Phew* You know me... It takes nothing to stress me out!

Aiden is also beginning to smile!!! I can't ALWAYS make him do it, but he does smile at me from time to time with no gas or BM to follow.

HE'S SO CUTE I COULD JUST DIE!!!

Well, Aiden is hungry (imagine that) so more later from the Mommy Report.

Coming to a theater near you...

BLOGS FROM THE CAVE!!!

I don't think society understands that there have been several famous people that spend most of their time in caves:Batman, J.D. Salinger, and Captain Caveman to name a few. As for why Aiden doesn't like to watch Oprah...I can only guess its because HE'S A GUY!! So what are we doing now? Flipping between SportsCenter and Howard Stern.

For me, today hasn't been very eventful with the baby. Since I got home from work, I think he's slept all but 30 min...total. Hopefully it will make for a quite night.

The Mommy Report

Why does Aiden always wake up right before Oprah?!?

Aiden and I usually go for a 8 a.m. morning walk, (morning to us - afternoon to Aiden as he starts at 4:30am) taking Andy to the bus stop. On the walk back he usually falls asleep for his nap. EVERYDAY I think - Score! - Oprah starts in 15 min. Without fail at 8:59 a.m. the boy is up and ready to be cuddled and walked around somewhere other than "the cave" as my husband likes to call it. Also known as my bedroom.

Damnit! It's Oprah's Wildest Dreams day!

My wildest dream is to watch Oprah in peace. Do you think she could deliver?

Thanks to Chris I have tricked Aiden into thinking I'm holding him - although he's hanging in my BRAND NEW baby bjorn (very fancy) Thank goodness because TODAY'S Oprah is a tear jerker!

Thank you Uncle Chris!

I am happy to report that Aiden has been getting into the Berelowitz swing of things - large dog/small horse named Vader, walking to bus stops, errands, cleaning noises etc... He still, however, hates that damn carseat. Andy LOVED his seat and I could drive for hours and he would sleep... Aiden screams from the instant he's put in that contraption. Road trips may be out of the question for a while...

YIKES - HE'S FIGURED OUT I'M NOT HOLDING HIM!!!



More later from the Mommy report.

Things I've learned late at night....

300 cable channels and only 10 things worth watching. 20 movie stations and all I can find is Tombstone and Mad Max. You gotta be kidding me--Spice World?

Prince of Tides?

The Horse Whisperer?

Yankees/Mariners?

Usually I'll be able to watch SportsCenter on ESPN but tonight they're replaying the Yankee game. Maybe during the 3am feeding, I'll write a letter of discontent to my cable company.

Forget about email. The only items ever sent to me are from discount internet pharmacies selling Viagra, porn solicitors, or online mortgage companies telling me NOW is the perfect time to refinance. If 1:45am is the best time to refinance my house, I have more free time than I thought.

Lets see if he's asleep. I've fed him, changed him, rocked him, walked him around the house, and finally put him in his swing....

YES!!!

Let the blogging begin!!!

It is 9:35PM. Do you know where your children are?

Yes I do. Andy is at his dad's place and Aiden is sleeping on his swing in front of me. As for my wife, she's getting out of the shower, seeing that Bubba is still asleep and says "He's still asleep? You're screwed!" Just what I want to hear before I try to go to sleep.

Of course yesterday was our first Mother's Day with Aiden. When we woke up, I tried to explain to him that he had to be on his best behavior during the day. That would mean no crying or fussing. It was the Life Giver's Day. It was the day we pay tribute to the Bearer of the Milk. I don't think he understood--he still fussed and cried.

We swear that he's grown about 4 inches in the past 24 hours. He's filling up his newborn clothes, he's taking up more space in his car seat, and he tried to wrestle Vader for a bone.

Jenn took him to Babies R 'Us today for a shopping spree. A month ago, a shopping spree may have consisted of jeans, tops, and shoes. Now its diapers, formula, and bottles. She did get some cool portraits taken and a baby bjorn (thanks Chris).

That's it for now.

-Lael, Jenn, Andy, Aiden, and Vader